In a world that is constantly changing with new cell phones every minute, a new must-have toy for kids, an overabundance of news and breaking news, emails, texts, it is reassuring to know that one thing doesn't change: Americans still do not care about soccer. The rest of the world calls it "football" or "futbol" or some variation thereof; but we don't even care enough to acknowledge the name of the sport--we just call it whatever we want. It is THAT unimportant.
Yes, I have already sat through several fans regurgitating the repeating message of "soccer is going to be huge in the US!". It's not. Really. It's not. When teams ties at an alarming rate and a "blowout" is a 2-0 game, it's really not meant for Americans. We like scoring. We like winning. Soccer has neither. We like big cars, speeding, dunks, home runs, touchdowns, and even goals. Which is why 90+ minutes of soccer for 1 goal is just un-American.
But scoring aside, I have several other concerns with the game:
- Scoring: Yes, I said "scoring aside", but this cannot be ignored. I can't watch a 2-hour event to see 2 seconds of scoring. 99.9% of the game has the ball in a position where a goal is not even possible. Quit kicking it back to your own goalie!!! Go score!!!
- Faking: this definitely exists in other sports, but in the few soccer games I have watched in my lifetime, I see a player get sneezed on, collapse in agony, and wriggle around on the ground like he's been hit by a cannonball--only to hop up and jog off once the other player has received a card from the referee. Bottom line, it sucks to get tripped. It hurts. But be a man and just keep playing.
- Extra time: Just stop the clock when something happens. Why complicate it by having a seemingly random amount of time added onto the end of a game.
- Ties: Should simply not happen. Someone needs to win these games. I've even heard recently that a tie was an acceptable outcome for a game. Who plays to tie? Why play then? You start the game 0-0...just don't play the game then.
However, I'm not just going to rip soccer...I'm here to fix it.
- Get ride of offsides. Let people stand wherever they want. If the defense wants to guard them, go for it. If not, let them stand and run around anywhere. Hopefully someone would score if they didn't have to stand where the defense was defending them.
- Turn the entire match into sudden death. The worst part of soccer is after the first goal. When the "winning team" sits back and just tries to keep the other team from tying the game. A sudden death match always adds a sense of suspense.
- Play with two balls in play at the same time. That would definitely add a bit of excitement to an otherwise boring sport.
- Prevent passes backwards past midfield. Like basketball, once you get in the front court, you can't go back. This would hopefully force some more action near the goal.
I think some of these things could actually work. But, in reality, I'm ok with the continuing anonymity of the sport in the US. The rest of the world loves this sport...lives this sport...breathes this sport. Let's just quit playing so they can have it. We have basketball, baseball, football, many Olympic sports. Can't we just bow out and give them this one? By default, it appears we do. After 2 games and 2 ties, the US is on the brink of elimination again--before the tournament even gets "exciting". Maybe it's part of our international relations strategy...or maybe we're just that bad yet again. But it appears that within days, the World Cup, at least from an American standpoint, will be over. The world keeps spinning and most Americans were none-the-wiser that their national pride was apparently being tested. But in this country, no one will care--until we McDonald-ify the sport.
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